Dear Readers,
Is this you when one of your friends is upset/feeling anxious?
Fear not – I am here to help! Struggling with anxiety or panic attacks can be really debilitating. From previous posts you will already know of my experience with this. I was also recently published in the Voice a Story Magazine talking about my own experience and how best to cope (you can find this here). When you’re going through a rough time, having someone there to do and say the right things can make all the difference. However, for people (you) who have never experienced how frightening and confusing these panic attacks are, it can be a little difficult to understand what’s wrong, or what you can do. The following is a breakdown of what you may notice in someone suffering a panic attack and how you can help.
Fidgeting/Detaching:
If someone is suddenly very fidgety or completely rigid, this is one of the earlier signs of a panic attack. The person feeling anxious may be unsure as to whether or not they’re about to have one and the feeling they are experiencing will likely cause them to be on edge. Similarly, a person experiencing a panic attack can become very distant or detached from what’s around them – panic attacks are a very surreal I’m-not-really-here feeling so, detaching from their surroundings can happen naturally.
This is not something you will easily notice, however, if you do notice your friend’s mood has very suddenly changed and you’re aware of their mental health history, perhaps ask them if they’re okay. I cannot stress how important this question can be – it can be the point at which someone admits they’re not okay, not only to you, but to themselves. You could also ask them questions such as have they eaten today, or is anything on their mind.
Breathing:
If it is a panic attack, symptoms may progress to difficulty breathing, feeling as though they are choking, or that something is resting on their chest. This can be one of the more frightening symptoms of a panic attack and in that particular state, rational thinking is often hindered and they may even suggest that they are having a heart attack.
This is scary not only for the one experiencing the panic attack, but may also be frightening for the person they are with. It is very important that you remain calm and do not panic with them. As their brain is quite frazzled at the moment, they may need assistance in breathing. Count with them in the rhythm of breathing in slowly for 6 seconds, holding for 1 second, and releasing for 8 seconds. This is an extremely effective method for calming the system and returning breathing to normal. Breathe with them, but allow them to feel in control.
Embracing:
It’s important to remember that everyone with anxiety is different (especially depending on what has triggered their attack) so, they may or may not want physical contact. It’s human instinct to reach out to someone who is shaking however, asking them if there’s anything you can do first is their chance to show you whether or not they’d like to be hugged/have their hand held. Sometimes embracing someone who is feeling anxious can help them to feel safer and can help to lessen the feeling of fear.
Talking:
Once their breathing begins to return to normal, try talking to them about topics you know they enjoy. For example, if they love Harry Potter, you could try asking them about certain characters – who is their favourite, which book was their favourite. This can help distract from the scary thoughts they are experiencing as they drift into a comfort zone of their own.
Grounding:
Something else that is really useful when helping someone who is having a panic attack is to get them to use their senses – sight, smell, sound and touch. Get them to focus on a particular object, to try and smell something close by, to listen out for a particular noise such as birds or cars passing, and to get their two feet solidly on the ground or to grip something tightly. By engaging with all of the senses they will get a greater sense of grounding, a feeling often lost in a panic attack. This is why you may hear them say things like “I don’t even feel like I’m here” or, “I feel like I’m dying”. This is extremely common in a panic attack as feelings of dread takeover their senses. It may sound ridiculous, but it’s very real to them. The senses technique allows them to remain in some sort of reality which will help guide them out of the panic attack.
Nausea and dizziness often accompanies panic attacks before, during, and possibly after. It could be helpful to make them some sweet tea and wrap them up in a warm blanket once the attack has begun to subside. It will have been an exhausting experience and they will likely want to rest or sleep.
Hopefully this is somewhat helpful for those of you with close friends who suffer from anxiety/panic disorder. It can be extremely difficult to understand what is going on in the mind of someone suffering, so by following these tips you will hopefully feel more helpful than you expected. However, please remember that someone else’s anxiety is not your responsibility. You can be an amazing supporter, but don’t let it become your main concern. Someone with an anxiety disorder doesn’t want to be viewed as a ticking bomb; they want normal more than anything. Also, one phrase that saved me from thinking I was losing my mind was “you are not irrational, the fears are”. It may seem simple, but I clung to that sentence with all my life whenever I was feeling anxious.
I hope all is well, and I hope you never have to use this post. However, in the unlikely event that you may have to, or your friend might, maybe send it on so they know, and feel a little less clueless.
Hugs,
Kerry x
Kerry Elizabeth Writing 