If there’s one thing we can all agree on in life, it’s that there is no female heroin we can all relate to more than the wondrous and ridiculous Bridget Jones. We all have a major soft spot for Bridget, wanton sex goddess, and her life-ruining anecdotes. Perhaps she makes us feel better about our own lives or, we connect with her on a deep level none of us care to admit to. One thing she has done, however, is teach us a multitude of lessons.
1) If he comments on your see-through shirt and little skirt with far too much ease and sleaze, what are the chances you’re the only one?
Ladies and Gentlemen, I believe the most accurate way we can describe Sir Daniel Cleaver in terms of young people today is as a “fuck boy”. This ever growing phenomenon is destroying all trust girls have for boys these days. However, watching movies such as Bridget Jones’s Diary can help us dissect what qualities to totally avoid in men in order to prevent such incidents occurring; sleaze and cheese, can’t have a conversation without making sexual references, goes along with your granny panties (he’s that thirsty) and, feels the need to assure you that you are the only one he’s speaking to. *eye-roll* Beware; he doesn’t actually want to watch Netflix with you.
2) Celine Dion power-ballads can, and will, make you realise you need to get your shit together.
You don’t want to, and you won’t be, all by yourself anymore. You’re Celine Dion for crying out loud. Now you hit that high note, kick that leg out and, don’t let boys be mean to you! You’re definitely done with ‘emotional fuckwits’ and ‘commitment-phobes’. Definitely.
… Definitely.
3) Maybe check the caller ID before answering the phone.
Chances are, your mum is on a different time schedule to you and wasn’t anticipating what you were doing at three o’clock in the afternoon. I don’t care if you’re that proud of your sex life, if he’s literally between your thighs, you probably shouldn’t answer the phone. Just a thought.
4) If you and your best friends have code-named those you like and dislike, be careful you don’t actually call them these IRL.
We love you Bridget, we do. We love you even more for being a daily reminder about why we need our heads screwed on at all times. Having practically re-christened the entire town with new names it’s no wonder you have a hard time remembering their actual name. Better to forget than be sorry, isn’t that right Bridge?
5) Support your friends in their emotional turmoil over the dickhead who just screwed them over… And slowly retract your statements when he turns out to actually be a nice person.
It doesn’t matter if she was cooing over their dreamy eyes and bulging biceps just five minutes ago, they did her wrong and now it’s time to make her feel better with myriads of insults. Can’t go wrong. On the other hand, if they happen to like you just the way you are you can be sure your friends will take the piss out of you for the rest of your life. There’s no winning.
6) Observe; “when one part of your life starts going okay, another falls spectacularly to pieces”.
Out of the entire film, there is no line that rings truer than this. You got a boyfriend/girlfriend? Best be prepared for your college/work to go down. Things at home are looking up? It’d be an awful shame to have a falling out with your bestie. It’s the way life seems to go; it’s the balance of life keeping you modest.
7) Double-check the costume party invite. Then triple. Then quadruple.
If it’s not Elle Woods getting caught rotten by the bitchy girlfriend, it’s Bridget Jones completely missing the message that the Tarts and Vicars theme was no longer going ahead. If you do plan on attending a costume party, it seems the bunny costume is most popular, and can be excused as being adventurous or fun. Take note.
8) One in three marriages ends in divorce these days.
The more you know.
9) No takesy-backsys.
10) Give the nice guy a chance. The mysterious and rebellious guy might seem cute until he gets engaged to an American girl. Men.
Especially if it’s Colin Firth.
So Bridget definitely taught us some things about life. Be it the need for the occasional vodka healing or the deeper message that you don’t need to settle for anyone. In reality, she had two hunks after her so, could she really complain? Probably not. But we love her anyway. Just as she is 😉
Love,
Kerry x
Kerry Elizabeth Writing 