The Pill, Sex, and Everything Taboo

Dear Readers,

I want to touch on a subject that, although talked about now and then, is not discussed as fully as it needs to be. The subject in question is the contraceptive pill. Cue panicked fumbling as you all remember you forgot to take your pill today…

I would like to touch on a few issues related to taking the pill, the first being:

Asking to go on the pill:
This is an awkward moment for anybody. Whether you’re 16 or 19, telling your mom that you want to start taking the pill is basically telling her that your sex life has begun. You can officially nod your head when the doctor asks you if you’re sexually active.

While some girls do start taking it for the positive effects some of them can have on your skin, or to have a more regular period, there should be less of a taboo around asking for the pill. I think the way the topic of sex is approached for young people in Ireland (and maybe elsewhere, I wouldn’t know) is all wrong. Girls are told they will get a period and that this means they are now majestic fertile beings. That’s it. Having attended a convent school the topic of actual sex wasn’t really covered, and when it was it was done so extremely awkwardly, or it was talked about as if we shouldn’t even think about sex. On the other hand, boys were told about sex. They were also told about masturbation, a topic that is again only seen as taboo on women. From this young age we were being told that we were not sexual human beings the way men were. If we got urges, we were to stifle them between our stiffly ironed pinafores.

There are MANY problems that go with this. Not only does it mean talking about the pill with your mum is terrifying and you feel like you’re admitting to some awful crime, it means we knew absolutely nothing about anything. Do you remember the first time you tried to use a tampon? Were we even told where the vagina is?! No. Class 101 on how to insert a tampon definitely needs to be added to the curriculum. Cue checking ‘wikihow’ and spending at least thirty minutes with your leg hiked up on the bath trying and failing to get this God-forsaken instrument in!

This taboo also means that some girls don’t even look for the contraceptive pill, and you’ll note the handful of girls from your school-days who ended up pregnant. That could have easily been avoided if they had just been told about contraception from the time they could understand sex, and the ins and outs of ovulation, the importance of protection, and the actual pill. If we weren’t made to feel as though we were Satan’s personal minions for having sexual thoughts, we wouldn’t have felt so nervous about asking for the contraceptive pill. I really believe that no girl who has decided she is going to have sex is going to be stopped by being told she can’t go on the pill because she’s too young. Give her the pill. You may think you’re being a medium for promiscuity, but she’s going to do it sooner or later.

HORMONES:
I knew when I started taking the pill that it would mess with my system for the first couple of months. Those first few months are the telling factor of whether or not you should keep taking that one. While I anticipated some mood swings, maybe snapping at one or two people, I couldn’t have predicted the affect it would have on my everyday. About two weeks into taking it, I felt as though a cloud was hanging over me. Think about it as putting on sunglasses and everything becomes slightly dimmer. I could tell I was more sensitive, similar to the week you get your period. I was pushed over the edge  by the smallest things going wrong, and according to my poor mother, I was a terror to be around. (I actually have no recollection of what I was doing, which is kind of scary).

Not only was there a dampner on everyday life, the week I went off the pill each month was a scary down I hadn’t experienced before, and it got worse with each cycle. I would cry the whole week, my cravings went through the roof, and I was so tired there were some days I wasn’t even sure I’d go to college. Eventually I found myself asking “why am I so down?”, because I couldn’t find a legitimate reason for being THAT down. I only came off that one about a month ago, and aside from a few events in the past couple of months that could have assisted those downs, I can say that a lot of it (or a lot of the way I handled things) was down to the pill. I’m telling you this because it took me way too long to realise I shouldn’t have to take that one. It isn’t fair to you to have to endure a week out of each month in absolute depression, and I’m not using that word lightly. It is only as my body returns to normality am I realising just how much the pill was affecting my everyday. I feel like a different person now, as though I’m more myself than I have been in months. If the pill you are taking has this affect on you, stop taking it. There are other pills, lower dosages, and other options. You are so much more important than stopping your monthly ovulation.

The littl(er) issues:
Remembering to take your pill becomes one of the most difficult things. If you’re on the mini-pill especially, you know you cannot mess that up. There are a few things you can do to help remember. I personally use a cute little app on my phone which reminds me everyday. Just type pill reminder into the app store and you’ll find one. Some girls just set an alarm on their phone to go off every day at a particular time, and they take it then. These are just some little methods to remember to take it 🙂 

The only other issue I want to mention is actually getting the pill. We rack up quite the bill between paying for doctor’s appointments for prescriptions and check-ups, and actually buying the pill. So much effort. So much stress. I just want to eat cookies, and it’s all your fault, Contraceptive Pill.

That’s all for now ladies (and any guys nosing about),

I’ll be blogging much more frequently about the things we don’t really want to talk about (except really really want SOMEONE to talk about), or the things we just weren’t taught in school.

Kerry x

 

 

Review: My Lady Bug

Dear Readers,

Today I am very excited to be reviewing ‘My Lady Bug’ – Ireland’s first period subscription box! I have seen similar products advertised on-line for America and have always wished we had something similar. What exactly is it? It’s a slim box that pops through your letter box once a month filled with pads/tampons, chocolate and tea. What more could a girl really ask for?

I myself have struggled horrendously with my period in the past. Although it is better than it used to be, it’s still an exhausting time of the month and something as simple as the My Lady Bug subscription really helps to ease this pain. There are some months where on my first day I don’t even leave my bed because the cramps are just too painful. I have had to take time out of school/college and often came to near-fainting points in school! While I know some girls who don’t get any pain at all (I envy you so much), for some of us it is a total nightmare.

“At MyLadyBug.ie, we don’t use euphemism for periods, we don’t whisper about ‘your aunt flo visiting’ or ask if you ‘have the painters in.” I love the philosophy of the My Lady Bug company so much! Not only are they making our period less painful, but they are eradicating the shame that can often accompany your period.

A woman’s period is a natural and necessary part of her bodies system. It shouldn’t be viewed as embarrassing. Tampons are taxed at 5% in the UK as they are classed as a “luxury” however, they are not optional. We don’t choose to get our periods each month – no, we don’t enjoy bleeding for week, eating everything in sight, and crying whenever we drop a spoon. The least the government could do is not tax us for this. You know what aren’t taxed? Condoms. Condoms are optional. You choose to have sex. While the majority of the adult population are choosing to have sex, it remains a choice I would consider a “luxury”. So, why are we being taxed because we get our periods monthly? Just something to think about if you weren’t already aware of this.

So, despite all of this heartache, My Lady Bug have brought us this wonderful product. And guess what, it only costs €9.99 per month! Considering your pads/tampons can cost anywhere between €4-6 this is a great deal; it’s being delivered straight to your door with two chocolate (full-sized) treats and four sachets of Pukka Herbs tea – Pukka ‘Love’ tea, a mix of organic rose, chamomile and lavender – and, Pukka ‘Three Mint’ tea. The tea actually comes in a super cute satin black draw-string bag which is really handy because a) I carry tea bags with me to use in college and b) this bag could also act as a tiny purse for your pads/tampons.

If all of that isn’t convincing enough, My Lady Bug have been kind enough to give me a special discount for you lovely readers to get 15% off your first order! To redeem this discount simply enter “KBLOG” at the checkout. Click here to head directly over to My Lady Bug to put together your first order.

This is one less thing I now have to stress about! The packages are dispatched on the 19th-21st of each month and I have been told that these could soon be more catered to each specific cycle. For now, why wait to make your first order? Never worry about running to the shop to get emergency supplies again! All you have to do is curl up in bed with a hot water bottle and fluffy socks.

Love,
Kerry x

Dying to be a Feminist

Dear Readers,

I’ve had this itch for the last few days about one of the touchiest issues in the western world. An issue that is being tip-toed around because of how people react to just one word. A word that carries such negative connotation and shouldn’t. A word that means one thing in Ireland and a totally different thing in countries such as Saudi Arabia. Yes, the word I am talking about is feminism.

Before you start whipping out your “I’m not a feminist” t-shirts, sit down and have a read. I have spent the last two days asking a variety of people what “feminism” is to them. A simple question seemingly, however the majority of responses start out immediately defensive. That’s right, defensive. I ask, why? People begin sweating when they’re asked whether or not they’re feminists and decide hastily that no, they’re not feminists, they just believe we should be gender-equal.

Great. That’s a fantastic response. Gender equality is the long sought after goal of most countries and people.

I want to stop you here. Are you aware that the definition of feminism according to the Oxford English Dictionary is “The advocacy of women’s rights on the ground of the equality of the sexes.” Now, are you telling me that you’re not a feminist? That’s what feminism is; it is the fight for the equality of genders. So, why are we all running around claiming we’re not feminists? Why are we dancing around this word?

I think feminism is a beautiful word. It is filled with the history of strong women who were willing to put their lives on the line for women’s rights to be equal to those of men. It is filled with the women who still today continue to fight for women’s rights in disadvantaged countries. Just because we may not have to deal with as much gender inequality in the western world doesn’t mean feminism can no longer exist. I’ll be damned if I don’t support and admire all of the women and men alike fighting for rights in countries such as Saudi Arabia and (what was noted as the worst country for gender equality in 2014) Yemen.

The Gender Pay Gap in Ireland stood just below 14% in 2013. That’s women being paid 86% of what men with similar characteristics, family situations, work hours, and work experience were being paid. This is all in spite of the fact that more women than men are attending University and are achieving higher grades. This is an infringement of a human right. This is a human right that feminists work towards fixing. We have come a long way in Ireland over the years and that cannot be overlooked. We have feminists to thank for that.

Feminists. Not men-hating uneducated women. These are not feminists. They are misinformed people with access to all the wrong parts of the internet. They are the people who have caused others to turn defensive when asked if they’re feminists. Please, refrain from associating this behaviour with feminism. Achieving equal rights as women is not possible by putting down men. Yes, it is unfortunate that in history men were dominant but, times are changing and more men than ever are signing up as feminists.

Feminism through the years has brought with it some new associations. I would like to tell you that none of the following diminish your right to be a feminist:
1) Wanting to look nice for a guy.
2) Being sexy.
3) Liking so-called “girly” colours.
4) Letting a guy be gentlemanly.
5) Accepting compliments.
6) Not being every girls best friend.
7) Not liking sports.
8) Doing typical “girl” activities.
9) Accepting help from a guy.

Similarly, the following attributes do not make you a feminist:
1) Hating men.
2) Slamming women who carry any of the above qualities.
3) Doing everything guys do.

What will make you a feminist is striving with women all over the world for the same rights as men. That is it.

I think what is great about modern feminism in Western countries is that it has in fact turned into things like women being seen with equality in playing sports and strength. It is so wonderful. Equally, men have been increasingly accepted as being allowed to cry or cook. This too falls under gender equality, but it is not a reason to trash every woman who likes doing what were once perceived as “feminine” activities.

The issues are not so light in other countries. It pains me to read about the violence women in Syria are being subjected to as they are used as “weapons in war”. Women being held in prison have reported that they have been repeatedly raped and tortured during their time there. Not to mention hygiene issues being ignored as women go through their menstrual cycles. With the rising of the so-called “Islamic State” Syrian women are increasingly put down with harsh measures such as being forced to wear the abaya and hijab in a religiously diverse area and prohibiting jeans, close-fitting clothing, and make-up. Women are also not allowed to leave their homes without a male family member. This is affecting young women’s education and will increasingly damage their ability to fight back.

A lack of education is one of the biggest problems that requires work as women in parts of Africa face similar struggles. Most women are not aware of their basic rights because they’ve never been given the option and cannot read about it. Perhaps, one of the most horrific infringements of women’s rights is the practise of Female Genital Mutilation (FGM). This will generally involve the partial or complete removal of a girl’s clitoris and the sewing together of the labia majora leaving just enough room for urination. This procedure, unlike male circumcision, is carried out usually when a girl hits puberty. She is not under any anaesthesia and complications such as infection often arise due to unsanitary conditions. For these women, urinating and sexual intercourse become extremely painful. This procedure, which is enforced so women are viewed as “clean”, can result in death. The World Health Organization estimates that at least 90 million females in Africa had FGM, and another 3 million will undergo the procedure each year.

If these facts and figures aren’t enough to make you realise that feminism is still badly needed, then I don’t know what will. These are helpless women who need feminists to help them and this can include both women and men. Feminism is not an excuse to hate men. Feminism is, as mentioned earlier, the fight for women’s equal rights with men. Can we please put down the “I don’t need feminism because I’m not oppressed” badges and realise that it isn’t a movement of women rising above men, but coming up to equal level with them in our most basic human rights. Without feminism, you would not be making career goals or voting or have a right to report sexual assault from your partner.

If you are not a feminist, then you do not want equal rights for women all over the world. We need feminism so that the world continues to re-evaluate and improve women’s rights. The rights to their lives, their bodies, their choices. The battle, for many women, is still ongoing. Support your women and keep feminism burning.

Kerry.